The Finish Line

When you start a journey, there is always a destination where you end;

Death: The Ultimate Truth 

The curiosity of little V about her unseen family members and relationships, led to a lot of questions and a deep conversation. It started with her, trying to figure out, who her great grandfather was.

A snippet of the whole conversation went like this..

We were having a conversation on, why a room was built in a certain way, and I was trying to tell her, that probably, her great grandfather had liked it this way and so built it according to his wish. And then the conversation went to this..

V: “Amma, who is this Muthassan (great grandfather)?

Me: “Its your Appuppan’s (grandfather’s) father”

Wherein, V has seen my father only in photos. My father had chosen to leave for a better place just months before V arrived to this world. So literally, they missed each other passing by. 

V: “So, where is Appuppa? Did he die?” 

            [The conversation shifted from the great grandfather to her grandfather]

Me: “Yes dear, he is no more!”

V: “Will he come back?”

Me: “No dear, once dead, no one comes back”

V [with an empathetic voice]: “Amma, so you don’t have your Acha?” 

It made me pause for a second, hard to speak up, but wanting to affirm her, I said that he is no more and left it there… 

I saw how her curiosity was changing to empathy, and she spontaneously gave me a tight hug. 

A hug of comfort, and consolation, which spoke very loud words of compassion!

The emotions were mixed, the grief of my loss, missing my Acha, the question of he could have lived a little longer to at least see this little one, a one of gratitude for being able to have a conversation with V and see how her beautiful emotions were growing, to feeling extremely grateful for the empathy and hug I received from the little hands. I was in tears. 

How well she understood that it’s a loss that can never be replaced, and all she could do was to show compassion. The hug spoke it all out.

And along with it, came in her fear when her tiny brain co – related the same instance with her own father.

Still hugging me tight, and sitting on my lap, came the next question.

V: “Amma, will my Acha also die?”

Me: “Everyone will die one day!” 

[ I couldn’t really articulate the ultimate truth in any better way rather than the standard sentence. The only thing I was sure was that I will not give any false information regarding this]

Continues…

V: “will you also die?”

Me: “yes dear, everyone will die one day”

V gives me a tighter hug and says “please don’t die Amma!” and the conversation continues to a level where she concludes that ok if death is inevitable, then let’s all die together. And that was probably a happy ending to the story she has visualised in her head and made her emotional flow steady. The next moment, she was busy running around and playing. 

A conversation about the ultimate truth with a 3 and half year old, had been the first one of all discussions yet to come. It was hard and emotional. But, hopefully a one that would be setting a base to all the future ones. 

It was interesting to see how her transformations went in from curiosity, to empathy, to fear and then a little bit of understanding in her tiny brain and choosing to conclude in a way that felt happier and lighter for her.