There is so much out there on media about gentle parenting, not scolding or yelling at the kids, or even hitting the child. So many do’s and don’ts and amidst all this, confused, irritated mothers who are constantly blaming themselves for not being so gentle with kids. It’s quite natural. When the whole world glorifies gentleness and the beauty of it, while most of us in the Indian scenario, who have not been brought up this way is trying so hard to be gentle to the next generation (which is against our conditioning) and ends up the other way round. Confusion, exhaustion, irritation are all natural. And I would say, its totally okay, you are not alone. There is no perfect parent.
We have never been gentle to our own self and that is something, we need to practice first with a lot of self-love and compassion so that, we reflect that to our kids. Here are 5 TIPS that you could try and incorporate in your personal life and see the magic flip!!
Tip 1: Have some ME time, not screen time!!
This is to connect with yourself. Try to have a minimum of half an hour for yourself everyday, whether it is when the kids sleep or if you have the luxury to take some help to look after your children, you could go for a walk out in the nature, meditate, or sit down to journal your thoughts, or have a good bath etc. Occasionally, rejuvenate yourself with a good oil massage or pedicure or something of your choice. For each person, how you chose to spend your time with yourself is totally a personal choice, but make sure you do it regularly and get the maximum benefit out of it.
Tip 2: Plan!
Whether its meal plans, or planning activities for your kids and scheduling your work, do it in advance, so it’s not chaotic over the day. Starting a day with a set intention and plan, will help you be prepared for the day with calmness and grounding, and you will have some mental space to move about freely through the day and thus making it easy for the kids to follow through as well.
Tip 3: Have a hobby
Yes, I have heard many adults especially with young kids who say, “I used to have a hobby of painting, but now I don’t as I am hands full with my kids. I don’t have time”! I agree kids are a hands and mind full and overloaded but having a hobby will help you and your kids to a great deal. You are giving them a model on how to take time for themselves, immerse in what you love to do. regularly if you take time to do your hobby, you will see your kids also coming and doing something that they love to do, without questions or interference. They really understand, what a hobby is vs what work is. They look at you and figure out if you are doing something out of love and happiness or to meet deadlines!
Tip 4: listen to your inner voice
If you constantly try to connect with your own self, you will know how to listen to your inner voice, which is mostly right. Your body mostly tells you when you are tired or exhausted, try to listen to it, and take appropriate actions rather than trying put your voice away and push through it, making it feel like a sacrifice and finally throwing all those emotions around at kids or husband. It is neither their fault nor yours, but when you listen to yourself first, you could ask for help instead of the final blame game that comes out.
Tip 5: Take time out with your partner
Yes, as much as you put in efforts to bring up children, that’s not the only part of life, you need to put even more effort on building up your relationship with your partner too. You could have more conversations, go for date nights, watch a movie together and try to spend as much quality time as possible. It is important that both the partners get each other’s attention equally. It is not a one-sided effort. Or having the thought that, kids are the only priority and work towards it. it’s a healthy balance on its way.
The Epic Momster! 