Bumpy Bump

On 12^th November 2018, I saw the most exciting double pink lines, Yes, I was pregnant with The Little V. Two years later today, I can still relate to that very moment which was filled with a combination of emotions, joy, excitement, hopes, preparedness, a little fear and anxiety on whether everything would go smooth and so on. The following days were filled with so much care and attention from people around me. Who doesn’t love to be pampered? and that time, the pampering felt extra nice. But not too long into my pregnancy, the road became a little bumpy.

Exactly A month later, it all started with a flu, not just one, a horrible one similar to swine flu. It lasted 10 long days and by the last day as I was getting better, I still remember my dad came up to me to ask, how I felt and If I was craving for something? And I gladly replied all I wanted was ice cream, though I knew I couldn’t eat one then. So, then he promised, he would get me, once I got completely better. But then, that never happened. Leaving the promise of ice creams and much more, and the desire to see, pamper and play with his first grandchild, behind. He passed away too soon. 3^rd January 2019, hardly 3 months into my pregnancy. I miss him, but I still cherish that last happy conversation we had about ice creams.

Still going through the various stages of grief, the next BOMB fell on my pregnancy journey. The results of my Double marker test came out as being risky and the baby to be born could have anomalies, especially down syndrome. Me, working in the field of children with special needs did not need any explanations on what or how a child with down’s syndrome could be. Anyways, we were referred to a fetal medicine specialist for a further confirmatory test. The worst part was that, to take the test, we had to wait another 3 weeks and to get the result another 2 weeks of waiting period. During the wait, we were counselled, the doctors kept telling us, if the results came up as positive, then you can decide whether to continue or terminate the pregnancy. The thought of expelling our little one was just too devastating and even now while writing this down, I feel the same fear.

Much before we took the test, we had made up our minds that whatever happens, we will continue with my pregnancy. The results would just make us more prepared…

Those were the moments; I really sensed a dash of how a parent of a child with special needs child felt. How much ever you work for children and parents of special needs, I am sure you will never be able to relate, unless you have an experience of your own. This was an eye opener for me. Though my results were negative, and we partied over having good results, that feel, that fear, that preparation and more over that strength is still in me. I carried the tension and fear right up till the very first day I saw my little V and made sure that she was okay.

Through all this, my husband and my mother were my pillars of strength and support.

AH… like that, my adventurous first and mid of second trimester went by, and I entered a not so bumpy route into the third only to find out my little one was always on breach position and was not willing come out, the right way. Anyways we decided to pull her out via a c – section on 3^rd July, exactly 6 months post my father’s demise.

With all the bumpiness and harsh roads that we as a family went through, it just reinforced the saying which said “Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations” and that’s how the little V entered our life.